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This post is challenging to write because from my experience in the Heights as a Shadchan and a dater, there is much less (I'm being nice, there is practically no) structure to the dating world.
The charedi world has rules. You follow them, you go through the shadchan, you know that three dates is one stage and four is the next... and on and on you go.
In the Heights world, everyone belongs to a highly specific community, of which they are the only member.
I am right wing on kol isha and kemach yoshon but left wing when it comes to birth control... you know the type? No, I don't know the type.
I am super frum when it comes to learning but I don't care about minyan.... so it isn't shayach.
I would never go out with someone who weard denim skirts but we'd have to go to movies together.... know the type?
WAKE UP! You aren't types. We aren't types. We are a bunch of super-complicated individuals who only get more messed up as they stay in this crazy mix of a neighborhood.
Never the less, throughout my year of living here and dating, I have picked up on some of the unwritten rules which are a relative guide for most daters here.
There is a distinction between going on dates and actually dates.
After you are asked out/ask someone out/ are set up...
You go out...
on dates.
You aren't dating that person though until you have "THE CONVO".
"THE CONVO" is where you sit down, usually at the end of the third-sixth date and discuss how you are feeling about the relationship, whether you think there is long term potential, and what your status is... if at the end of that conversation you decide to continue... you are DATING.
That is when you are actually dating until you decide to marry or not. But that means that you don't have to wonder every date whether there will be a next one, it works more like an actual relationship.
From my experience, guys hate having "the convo" and if they could avoid it they do. If they could say at the end of every date..."We'll be in touch"/ "So when is a good time for you to go out again?" they would do that straight till the canopy.
The worst thing is when at the end of a date, the guy will look at you and say: "So, what's happening?"
No Way Hozay! I am not talking first! You tell me how you feel. Be a man, let me know what you think, and I'll respond.
I don't know why people are so scared of talking, but I honestly hate having to be the one to pull out the conversation card and squeeze the emotion out of the guys one bit at a time.
