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--Mommy, look! The moon is in the sky. Is it night yet?
--Yes, darling, if the moon is in the sky, that means it is night.
--But Mommy, it isn't dark yet. How could the moon be in the sky when there is still light?
--Baby, the darkness will come. It is a bit late and behind in time but it will catch up with the moon. You'll see. The night will be complete soon. Moon, darkness and all.
I stood outside dumbfounded. I stared at the hill and at the light sky and the moon that boldly hung in the sky before its time came. Either the moon was early, or the darkness was late. I was not sure which version was correct.
Anyhow, something was strange with the picture.
When I was a kid it was the moon without the dark.
When I am an adult it is a single without his or her partner.
Something is so off.
Did I advance into life too early or is my “chosen” belated.
I awoke in a cold sweat. Ok, now I am still young. What if another year passes, and then another, and then another, and I am still in a sky which does not want to host me? I am still unaccompanied by the darkness which will allow for my light to shine forth? Then what? Then who? Then where?
In Shir Hashirim, the beloved runs around searching for her lost beloved. She is beaten and desperate in her quest.
But I, I don't even have a beloved to search for. I do not have someone for whom my heart shall ache.
And so, my heart aches for the emptiness. For the fact that there is no one to long for. No one to desire. No one to await. No one to adorn with all the love and care that my being contains.
I learned a new word in Hebrew. Ravak/Ravaka (a SINGLE). So not the way it was meant to be. So wrong. During the week, orthodox people can still pull off being single with some degree of normalcy. When Shabbat comes, however, or any other holiday for that matter, singles awkwardly clump together in an attempt to create some artificial poor resemblance to a family or a community and it is sad. It is wrong.
May the night catch up with the moon for the sake of harmony.
