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Finals last a week. The students taking them also last a week. They last a week without sleep, without normal food, and with a tremendous amount of caffeine and sugar in the blood. Therefore, college after finals is a battlefield after war. Students roam around in a drunk state.
Here are some moments I had in the last few moments of finals that will hopefully make you laugh or at least bring a smile to your face.
-My last final was on the Dead Sea Scrolls. I was studying in the lounge so that I would not be distracted by the world available at the click of a mouse. I was tired. I hadn't slept in two days and there was coffee in front of me. Looking at it made me want to vomit. My eyes were closing against my will and the words in my notebook were swimming in front of me. I lay down on the couch (just for a minute) and set my alarm for an hour from then to ensure that I would actually wake up.
The alarm went off. I woke up and understanding that I should be preoccupied with Dead Sea Scrolls, I rationalized to myself in Dead Sea terms why I should go back to sleep. I thought to myself: In Qumran (the Dead Sea Sect) the dwellers would dunk in the Mikva before and after every meal. So now I am dunking. In bed. This is why people should not take finals in their sleep. Everything can make sense to a sleeping individual.
-Fast forward. I am done with finals. Done with college. Forever. I feel a splitting headache tearing my head in two. Still in finals-rationale mode I decide on coffee to relieve my pain. I go to Starbucks, get my coffee. Then I ask the person to add some syrup. He asks which one I want. I am sitting there trying to figure out which syrup I need to alleviate my pain. I say: My head hurts. The guy looks at me with pity: Woman, you don't need syrup. You need Advil.
-I am in the pharmacy. With the coffee. Looking for Advil. I see the Advil. Then I realize it is Advil PM. Right there I burst into laughter and people try to walk around me not to catch whatever it is that is affecting me. I remember the story. My brother was not feeling well, I brought him two Advil and forgot to mention that the pills are Advil Pm. He took them. He was delivering a lecture to a group of twenty adults an hour later. He was ready to kill me because he was falling asleep during his own speech.
-Someone set me up. I said yes. I went out after an allnighter and two finals. I was high on coffee and was laughing hard. The shadchan said that she doesn't know if we'll like each other, but I would definitely have a good time. She was so right. I had a great time laughing non-stop. He asked me what my hobbies are. I said I like to read. Uch, he said, I never opened a book in my life. I asked him what his hobbies are. Shopping, he said. Oh. Oh. OOOOhhhh. He told me he likes learning. I asked him what he learns. Gemara. Oh, what kind of Gemara? He laughed and said: I am not telling a GIRL what kind of Gemara I'm learning.
-Someone calls a reference to find out about a person in Shidduchim. What kind of personality does he have: friendly or reserved? Um, he is friendly. (after a second of thought)... in a reserved sort of way. Thank you. That gives me a ton of information.
