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| Image: http://www.cartoonstock.com |
So here I am, it's just another night, I'm checking my e-mail for the last time before I go to bed as if waiting to hear from some phenomenally important person at two am, when suddenly my inbox announces in its bold way that I have received a new mail. You guessed it. From YuConnects, regarding a potential new match for you. And since I follow orders in sync with my obedient nature, I comply with the e-mail and log into Yuconnects and leave the virtue of sleep for another time.
This sounds exciting. I know the shadchan quite well. A friend of mine recommended him. Not bad, I say to myself. And then I log on to see his profile. I almost fainted. Besides for the fact that he looks like a terrorist, and his primary picture has him holding a baby with his tongue sticking out of his lovely mouth, the information about him was completely unappealing to me.
I was dumbfounded. How could two people who I thought “got me” suggest someone who is so out of the ballpark?
I can't think about it today. I'll think about it tomorrow.
I went to sleep. With a mission.
The next morning I called the matchmaker to find out why she set us up.
She thinks for a minute and says: well, he prays three times a day.
I sit there silently, painfully waiting for her to continue listing the reasons she set us up. However, she does not. Deadly silence.
Ok, I say, I will just marry him now then. He prays three times a day. Must be my husband.
Of course I do not say that. I say: I heard he will be at an event tonight. Perhaps I can meet him for a few minutes informally and see if there is any potential.
Oh, what a great idea. I am so glad that the Shadchan and I agree on one thing and I set out about my day.
I show up to the event two hours late because I was travelling from across town. It is raining outside and my hair is still wet, I am wearing rain boots and a denim skirt. Not exactly date attire.
I come up and he is about to leave. I run over from behind. I made it! I think to myself with excitement and grant the young man with one of my generous smiles.
I introduce myself. He smiles. I could see the words SHE LOOKED DIFFERENT IN HER PROFILE PIC running through his mind.
We talk. Not bad. He looks better than a drug addict who is holding a baby and is about to blow up a plane in real life. That is a relief.
He offers to talk in the lounge. I agree. Bad move. As we are crossing the street we pass a guy I dated back in the day. He knows the guy. Awkward smile.
We keep on walking and talking. And suddenly this guy I know screams my name out in the friendliest tone of voice. How could I not respond? I shriek back. Hi! How are you? It has been ages!
And the only thing that comes to my brilliant mind at that moment is:
I have your socks!
Now do not think I am crazy. He stayed over by a friend of mine and forgot his socks and she washed them and asked me to return them to him.
The guy I was on this predate with almost fainted. I smiled and pretended nothing ever happened.
We enter the lounge, sit down, continue discussing our life long history, philosophy, passion for religion...when suddenly I hear someone from behind scream my name out really loud followed by a “WHAS UP Girl?”. I turn around to see my ex-fiance there. I stumble for the right words and come up with none.
I wait a minute and ask the guy to remind me what we were discussing before this friendly intrusion.
He looks at me with total awe and says: “How do you know all these people?”
I wave my hand and say: “You don't want to know.” Trust me, he did not want to know.
Now this guy was a true gentleman and he insisted on taking me home. As we approached my building the topic of Poskim came up. So who is your posek. I ask.
Rav Ovadiah, he responds.
So no sheitel for your wife? I ask.
No sheitel for my wife.
Nice meeting you. Good night.
Just in case you were wondering, we did not get married.
