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For so many people Hocheach Tochiach Et Amitecha is by far the most important one in the Torah. The authority to tell others what to do is just so empowering, don’t you think…
I went for seminary to a special place where girls waited with trepidation to gain their Rebbetzin awards. The Rebbetzin award would usually be granted when a lot of newcomers to sem came and older girls left.
Practically every girl granted herself one of those awards.
What can be done with a Rebetzin award is that you can go around telling people what to do and what not to do. Your skirt is too short, take that hat off--we don't wear those here (it isn't minhag hamakom), don't say that--it's lashon hara, stop signing--there is a man five thousand blocks away, stop eating--the hechsher isn't good enough, stop breathing...
I recall the time when I ran a winter camp and I tried to teach NCSY Havdalah tune to the girls. The room was filled with girls, and the only male was the guy conducting Havdalah. When it came time to the Nai-Nai-Nai’s, I sang extra loud so that the tune will be heard over a bunch of girls trying to catch on to this new unfamiliar chanting.
After Havdalah, a staff member walked over to me and said: “Darling, I think you should be more careful with your kol isha.”
I stared at her. “And I think you should be more careful with your Al Tadun Et Chavercha Ad Shetagia Limkomo, or with your Dan Lekaf Zechut, or… or with your mind your own business for that matter” I thought as she walked away in her proud tzadekkesi way.
Later that evening I was discussing the event with a friend, processing what had happened when a girl came into the conversation and asked us what we were talking about. I told her. She says: “Uch, that is loshon hara, I am not listening to that!” and then… she just kept on standing there… I mean hello! Go away. You don’t want to listen, you don’t have to… there is some democracy left on earth after all, isn’t there? I told her what I thought. She was horrified. That’s life.
After Havdalah, a staff member walked over to me and said: “Darling, I think you should be more careful with your kol isha.”
I stared at her. “And I think you should be more careful with your Al Tadun Et Chavercha Ad Shetagia Limkomo, or with your Dan Lekaf Zechut, or… or with your mind your own business for that matter” I thought as she walked away in her proud tzadekkesi way.
Later that evening I was discussing the event with a friend, processing what had happened when a girl came into the conversation and asked us what we were talking about. I told her. She says: “Uch, that is loshon hara, I am not listening to that!” and then… she just kept on standing there… I mean hello! Go away. You don’t want to listen, you don’t have to… there is some democracy left on earth after all, isn’t there? I told her what I thought. She was horrified. That’s life.
Slowly I moved on... on from the walls of the seminary into the halls of college into the workplace and never have I been taken back to the past as I was in this incident last week.
I was introduced to a girl...… I was exhausted, doing some late night shopping, and all I could think of was being alone and going to sleep. Since I was raised in a world filled with people and taught that when someone says hi one should respond, I smiled and tried to make small talk with the energy I had left in me. She told me what school she went to. I knew who the principal was. I mentioned the principal—she smiled. “Oh, but wasn’t she recently fired?” I said.
The girl looked at me and hissed: That is an inappropriate thing to say.
Well thank you. Are you an appropriateness doctor? No? Then shut your mouth!
I let her know that I am sure the world would not survive if not for people as righteous as her and that I am sure we would make the best of friends.
As I walked away I could not control the tears that came trickling down my face.
The girl looked at me and hissed: That is an inappropriate thing to say.
Well thank you. Are you an appropriateness doctor? No? Then shut your mouth!
I let her know that I am sure the world would not survive if not for people as righteous as her and that I am sure we would make the best of friends.
As I walked away I could not control the tears that came trickling down my face.
