 |
| Image: http://images.lightstalkers.org |
Is it just me, or does anyone feel at times like blind dating is just awful?
Some people blame me for not doing enough research.
Some people just sigh and say that that is the way shidduchim work.
Some people are married and have no idea what I am talking about.
I sometimes feel like people expect me to do thorough research on every person I meet, but frankly, I don't have the time. I work, I go to school, I live a life.
I cannot be expected to become a full time detective to find out every last detail about every living guy down to his tzitzit size when most of those cases will end after one date anyways.
And on top of that, how in the world are you supposed to get useful information out of someone who does not know you from Adam (and probably barely knows the guy).
I have a friend who will only use references who are better friends of his than of the girls so that when relaying information, they will have his best interest in mind.
Often I call people and I don't even know what to ask... does anyone know of good questions?
One thing I use is not to ask yes or no questions.
Because, come on, if you ask someone: "He has Yir'at Shamayim, right?"
No one in their right mind would say: "Actually, he has no Yiras Shamayim!"
And then there is the silence rule. Ask a question, wait for them to answer. And then keep silent. The person will feel uncomfortable by the silence and start talking and giving more information.
For example:
Me: "Mr. X, what would you say Y is like in terms of personality?"
Mr. X: Nice.
SILENCE
Mr. X: Well, he is not like the sweet mushy type of nice, but he is quite kind.
And third is asking for specific situations:
What encounters did you have with him? Can you tell me a story that happened with him that would reflect who he is?
And then there is the pressure, always the pressure.... If you don't say yes to this guy, he will either expire or go out with someone else and marry her in a day.
What is this?? A used cars parking lot? If you don't take it now, someone else will buy it in a minute? Give me some time to breathe.
Yet, will all of those rules and with all of this research, I still feel like dating for me is walking through a minefield.
I have no idea what I will step on that will explode and burn me in a million places.
I still had times where I prayed that no one I knew would walk in to see me with a certain individual,
times where I prayed to get home unscathed and in one peace,
Times where I prayed for time to speed up and for hours to pass.
