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| Image: http://www.justsayitwithcards.com |
I keep on pestering friends to write guest posts for my blog, and finally today, my friend X (you chose that pseudonym yourself) wrote a blog I am happily sharing with you.
GUEST POST:
I hate the feeling of helplessness that comes when I like a guy but can’t do anything about it.
I met Gabe at a conference a couple of weeks ago. He wasn’t cute, but he was confident and smart and funny and for me that makes a guy attractive. We ended up spending a lot of time together discussing topics from ideals, life-goals, religion, philosophy and literature. I started to really really like him.
When the conference ended we parted ways. “It was so nice to meet you,” Gabe said with a smile and a hand-wave as he got into his cab. “Be in touch.” Watching him leave gave me such a frustrating feeling. I was feeling emotionally connected to a guy who I might not see again for months.
The days following the conference I kept hearing about different guys as suggestions for me to date. But I kept comparing them all to Gabe and finding them lacking. They were not as idealistic, as good, as funny, as interested in what I had to say.
I mentioned my growing obsession with Gabe to a couple of friends who looked at me pityingly and told me it will pass with time. One friend though, told me to pick up the phone and ask him out. “What do you have to lose? The worst thing that can happen is that you’ll get rejected and even then you’ll get him out of your head and be able to move on to other people,” she said.
I consider myself an independent and confident woman. I am successful, intelligent and very capable. I have given speeches in front of over a 1,000 people. But the thought of calling a guy and asking him out was absolutely terrifying. What would I say? What if he says no? What if he says no and then I see him again? I started thinking about guys I know and how difficult it is to ask a girl out. Rejection isn’t fun for anyone.
The fact that I was giving him power over my mind and emotions made me decide to call him. I received some pep talks from friends, got his number from a mutual acquaintance and prepared to call him.
“Hi Gabe, It’s X calling. We met at Y last week--how are you?”
--I think I sounded normal but I was ridiculously nervous--
“Hi! It’s so nice to hear from you,” he answered. “What’s going on?”
We did the small talk routine for a couple of minutes and caught up on our lives since we last saw each other. Then, that awkward silence that asks the caller to explain the reason for the call became loud and clear.
“I don’t usually do this,” I said. “But I had a really nice time getting to know you last week and was wondering if you want to go out with me.”
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“That would actually be really nice!”, he said.
YESYESYESYESYESYESYES!!!!!
After we got off the phone I couldn't stop smiling. It wasn’t that I was crazy excited for a date with Gabe--it was that I had taken control of my feelings for a guy and done something about it. I did not allow myself to be dependant on him deciding to ask me out or not. And if he would have said no--yes, I would have been seriously upset. But then I would have gotten over Gabe, known that it would never work out and move on to better things.
After we went out we realized we really weren’t for each other. We hit it off really well as friends but not in a date. I’m still happy though. Th euphoria that came with the realization that I don’t have to stay helpless waiting for the phone to ring has been absolutely liberating. When I mentioned this to some girlfriends they've looked at me as if I have just gone into battle without an armor. "You are so brave! I wish I could do it!"
You know what? I wish so too. I've seen way too many times when I--or my friends--have been emotionally subservient to liking/crushing on a guy who we have no idea if he wants to have a relationship with us (or we know he doesn't but he doesn't admit it.) Wouldn't it be so much better if we decided to leave our armor behind? What's the worse we have to lose? Risking rejection? The benefits way override the risk.
So--whether you are a guy or girl--the next time you find yourself obsessing over someone who's available and that you'd date, pick up the phone.
