I found within me the power and the strength to forgive. It was only a day ago that I sat alone in my dorm room, head in my hands, sobbing over the blow I suffered, over the pain that I went through. I felt as though this year was just a continuous consequence of painful experiences and I could not take it any more. This time I was not going to forget. This time I was not going to forgive.
I was hurt that those who hurt me were moving on, while I seemed to be stuck in place as if in swamp unable to move forward, unable to let go of the past.
I understood that as a result of my stubbornness I was going to suffer more than anyone else. And yet, the understanding with my head did not help the feeling in my heart. I wanted to forgive, yet I could not.
Being angry at someone means that there is a relationship, even though it is negative. Forgiveness is letting go. It is putting an end to the relationship. Forgiveness is the ultimate closure. It is the ultimate freedom. Although necessary, deaths and endings are inevitably painful.
I would love to someday be so complacent with myself that I would feel no need to hold on. I would have it in me to love...
