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| Image: http://www.gemworld.com/ |
The Shadchan called me. I was not busy so I picked up. I could hear the excitement in her voice as she spoke. "I got a YES for you! A guy said YES!"
I was stunned. I asked her to tell me more about the young man. She told me how smart he is, how kind, how sweet he is to the elderly, how good looking he is.
I agreed to go out with him.
--There is a catch,-- she said before hanging up.
--What is it?--I asked?
--You will have to pick him up, he won't get you.
It sounded strange to me, but I figured why not give it a try.
I scribbled down the address on the corner of a paper I grabbed from the shelf and set about my own business.
The date of the date arrived. I did my usual: blow dried my hair, applied some make-up (the days when I actually used to spend the day fretting in front of the mirror were over. It has been one guy too many), put on my first date outfit, yes, I had one and got in the car to pick up my date.
Although I was getting the guy, I did not feel like a feminist, I just feet intrigued by this experienced.
I set the GPS to the required address, turned on the radio. The song that was playing was "Grenade" by Bruno Mars. I hummed along as I sang "I'd catch a grenade for you, I'd take a bullet straight through my brain for you…You know I'do anything for you."
The scenery in front of me was beautiful. The endless sky and empty fields in front of me stretching lazily for miles ahead of me. I wondered why I never saw this beauty before.
An hour later the GPS proclaimed in that annoying tone of voice that I have arrived at my destination. All I saw in front of me was a tall brick building. I do not understand how I missed the barbed wire and watch towers surrounding me. I walked up to the gate. There was a guard, I thought of running back. But some curiosity made me walk forward. The guard asked me for my ID. He gave a look, as if he had been expecting me.
Another guard of stocky build and with greasy hair asked me to follow him. I was not going to argue. I wanted to make sure he knew I was not a prisoner. He did not put handcuffs on my hands so I was okay after all.
I walked into a large room, the walls were painted an ugly green that reminded me of Colgate toothpaste. It was extremely hot and I felt my fingers bloating. I was so hot, my hair was sticking to my face.
And then he walked in. He was so beautiful in his striped suit. His hair was gelled back with his spit probably. I had decided that I did enough work and would leave the work of breaking the ice up to him.
--Hi Tania,--He smiled.
I searched his mouth for teeth but I could not find any.
I smiled back but then I felt bad that I had teeth while he did not, so I gave him the best close lip smile I could produce.
--Hi, I replied.
He just smiled.
I would have offered a drink or something, but I was on his territory, and besides I did not know how I would be able to pass the drink through the bars.
The silence was long awkward.
--So, do you date like this often?--he asked.
I laughed. Quietly at first, then I broke into hysterics. I was laughing hard, weird noises, those of no shame. I was protected. My date was behind bars.
Soon he was laughing along with me and the ice was broken.
--How long has it been since you live here?--I asked
--Three years,-he said,-- I am used to it here, I learned the ropes.
--And when you get married, how is that going to work?--I asked.
He was surprised.
Shoot, I thought to myself, I was misleading him.
--Oh, I am asking in a theoretical sense only.
He smiled.
I spent two hours speaking with this intriguing person.
I walked out the door. The guard smiled. I smiled back.
The sun was setting as i was driving home. The Shadchan called me again. "Nu?" She nudged.
I could not get the smile off my face: "This was definitely the most original date I had in my entire life."
She told me that she would only be able to find out if he wanted to go out with me the following week because he exhausted his phone call of the week already.
I thanked her so much and told her not to worry.
Somehow, although there was nothing I could point to, I had a gut feeling this match was not 'gonna happen'.
This story entertained my imagination last night.
