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| Image: http://www.demotivationalposters.org/image |
The heaviest tears are the ones cried last.
I have noticed a pattern in my life and was wondering if anyone ever felt the same.
When I had crushes/really liked/ their neshama appealed to me on certain guys, I would develop some sort of non-existent relationship in my head which I would love, because the relationship always progressed exactly at the pace and in the way I liked it to.
The problem was that the relationship did not exist, so all the thoughts were accompanied with an intense lack, and an intense missing and longing.
At some point when my heart could not stand the nagging longing anymore, I would hit a breaking point. Where I cry for hours on end. The pain is just unbearable. The realization that what has been so real to me is absolutely nothing to the person it is meant to mean so much to.
And I cry, and I sob. And I look in the mirror at the red puffy blotches that are supposed to be my eyes, and I feel sorry for myself, that I have come to this level. And the pity makes me cry even harder.
Those tears are the hardest to shed, but also the most consoling. Because they release my pain of holding on to the pain. They give me the strength to let go.
At some point it gets so bad, that from there it can only get better, and that in itself makes me feel better.
