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| Image: http://media.redgaloshes.com |
Dear Boy Who Can't Commit,
I wanted to talk to you some time already.
Did you watch Srugim at all? There is this episode where a young woman wants to set up a boy with a girl. "They would be great together!" she says, "They are the same type."
Her husband looks at her with raised eyebrows and says: "What type? The type that never marries?"
Besides for the fact that I was addicted to Srugim in the near past and that I think the show captures some scenes from the Jewish singles Orthodox community so accurately, sometimes I felt like I was watching a show about myself (except that the girls in Srugim wore longer and flowing skirts... and spoke in Hebrew).
Relationships are interesting things. But you probably noticed that in the 8+ years of your life that you spent dating. And you also probably have the experience to understand that the relationship you currently have with your girlfriend is one with potential.
Your girlfriend is a gorgeous, funny, smart, witty, accomplished and independent young woman.
At some point in dating (relatively Orthodox ;), a couple reaches a point where the next step is a commitment. It is a certain point where you know what you like about her, what bothers you, what the issues are and how you feel about them. It is a point where "You Know What You Know." Going out longer in such a case without proactively moving forward is essentially moving backwards.
You have been going out for over a year. You know, if both of you would be totally comfortable dating forever without a commitment, that would be fine. That isn't the case though in your situation and you know it. You know that if you would propose now, she would say yes. You know that if you would have asked her last week, she would have said yes, you know that had you asked her six months ago, she would have said yes. And you know that somewhere deep down she waits every day for you to say: "Darling, I want you to be my wife."
The truth is it pains me to see this unfold. I wonder: do you know you are never going to marry her and are just avoiding the break-up by delaying the proposal? Are you not admitting it to yourself?
Because if you know you aren't going to marry her, LET HER GO and SET HER FREE so that she could meet someone who will become her husband.
If you can't stand the idea of letting her go, marry her. Marry her now.
Sincerely,
The Girl Who's Watching
