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What in the world am I supposed to do with former love letters?
Should i create a bonfire for them, or should i publish them after my death?
Are they a testament to falsehood?
Are they a reminder that there is no point in trusting again?
When I dated someone a few years ago, we had a whole romantic correspondence.
I knew that the letters we wrote each other were unique and that I would one day enjoy reading them and showing them to our grandchildren.
I stored the letters in a special email folder...
Alas, the relationship did not work out and we didn't get married, and yet, despite the break-up I never deleted the letters.
I never really looked back and reread them, but knowing that they were there was somehow comforting.
Consciously, I was thinking that I might use them one day to write a novel...
Subconsciously, I probably didn't want to let go.Forward a year. I was dating someone else, and things started getting serious, we started using the M word in conversations, and I knew that I should probably delete the emails.
With a heavy heart and a strong sense of duty, I logged in and clicked delete.
I went to the trash folder and deleted them from there as well.
Everything would be fine, except that the relationship with the next guy also fell apart.
And now I was still single, and on top of that I didn't have the love letters from guy 1.
Apparently, I used to be quite smart, and I envisioned myself doing what I did because this week when I was looking through old files and books, I found a folder with all the emails printed out and stored in order.
I was so grateful to the me of two years ago for taking that precaution. Maybe I still would be able to produce a novel someday.
I spent some good hours looking through the files. I smiled at times, laughing at how naive I could have been to believe what he said, shocked at others by things emanating from my own fingertips, and sad at times over the fate the relationship took on, the pain endured, and the innocence of the first romance lost.
Now, I have letters from more men. And in a way, I am so blessed to have these souvenirs to remind me when I am going through a dry spell, that there are times when it rains, and there are times when it pours.
Do I keep them or do I throw them to the winds?
