Thanks Guys

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Once upon a time a friend of mine called me up. She said she was taking the day off from work. She wanted to know when class was over for me. She would pick me up and we would do something fun together.

We spent the entire afternoon in some of the coolest places Manhattan has to offer. We chatted about life. We laughed about the old days. We spoke about meaning. I had missed her all this time.

When she dropped me off that night she thanked me. Because that night would have been her first wedding anniversary had she married the guy she was previously engaged to. It slightly freaked me out that I was spending the wedding night with her but I was honored at the same time that she chose me.

So guys, I want to say, I chose you. Today, I have come full circle. Because today a year ago I could have gotten married. I've come a long way since then, see As Time Goes By. And I have you to thank for it.

This is probably the last time I will write about "unrealized anniversaries" because it is already faded in my mind. I thought of it today because I wanted to thank all of you dear readers for being with me through this experience.

I started blogging after I broke my engagement. I wanted an outlet. I wanted support. I wanted to talk and hear back from people I never knew before, people with different perspectives.

So I've developed this habit where I wake up in the morning waiting to find out what Princess Leah thinks about attractive dating, to see if Masculine Jew is still Masculine... to read what lovely thing Yedid Nefesh has to say, whether Shocked will say something shocking... to hear the shadchan's perspective from Shades of Grey. To hear all those anonymous comments... I do not know who they are from. I love reading them anyways.  And so many others.

I would also like to thank my family for coming through and supporting me in my blogging endeavor. My friends for following along, offering criticism out of love and support when needed.

In a funny virtual way you have become a support. And I thank you. And I wish you a Shabbat Shalom.    

As Time Goes By: Yes You and I

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It's funny how time puts things into perspective.
One year seems to be a long time and yet in the span of life, it seems to be quite short.

Today one year ago I got engaged (for the first time in my life).
The proposal was filled with love and excitement and although things did not end up working out, as time goes by, I am able to look back and appreciate the beautiful moments for what they were.
I wrote an article after my experience and speaking with other people with similar experiences entitled: "Broken Engagements, Shattered Hearts."

He proposed on a boat when I wasn't expecting it. I was sitting with closed eyes drinking in the scene, the sunset, the sky, the water. Everyone was standing in pairs but I sat alone. The guy I was going out with didn't feel well and he excused himself in the beginning of the boat ride. Twenty minutes I sat alone. And then he came over in a tux holding a bouquet of red roses and a ring and got on one knee and asked me to marry him. I was shocked. I burst out laughing and crying simultaneously. Only after a few moments did I accept the ring and agree to marry him.

I did not stick to my word. I broke the engagement.

The morning after I the engagement ended, I awoke in a stupor. I couldn't remember what I was supposed to do. Where I was supposed to go. Nothing seemed natural to me.
There was the anger, the hurt, the denial, the shock, and finally the acceptance.

The acceptance of the reality was the beginning of my wisdom in this case.

At this point I regret only the getting engaged part. Had we waited, I would not have the label of a person with a broken engagement.
The relationship itself was an experience I think I learned a lot from, I enjoyed it. It was fun.
Not all is bad in broken love.

A close friend once told me: You had a boyfriend, now let's find you a husband.

After my experience I heard of a couple that got married. I was surprised that they actually made it to the wedding.

The thing is that engagements are times of transition. And transition is always challenging whether small or significant. So it is normal for engaged couples to have difficult times. But it is how they deal with the trials and tribulations that will affect the future of the relationship.

It's funny how time puts things into perspective. It's funny how time has a power of it's own. It's interesting how certain dates carry certain memories within them.
The memories remain the same. But the way they are perceived changes from year to year. 

When Your Ex Gets Married

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What happens when someone you went out with: either seriously or not gets married. To someone else?
Do you expect to be invited? What are the feelings involved?

If you have dated more than one person, this will probably, maybe even hopefully for the sake of humanity and continuity happen to you.
Well, it is happening to me. And surprisingly, I feel nothing. Maybe because it was nothing serious, maybe because we parted on good terms and maintained a friendly relationship after we ended dating.
Maybe because somewhere I had the upper hand in making the decision and I knew it really was not my significant other. For a million of reasons maybe, and yet it gets me thinking.

I met the guys' father after his son got engaged. Oh and by the way, the father wanted me to marry his son, more than his son wanted it. I love it when people of the age of sixty and above fall in love with me. The day someone younger then forty will like me might be the beginning of a new era.
Anyhow, I wished him a hearty mazal tov. He winked at me and said: "Personally, you know what I would have preferred. But life had it differently."

I smiled. "Oh, sure I know what you mean! Maybe if your son would not have dated three other girls at the same time he was dating me, there would have been more to talk about." But seriously, great news, I wish him much hatzlacha in all his endeavors.

Lechaim

SAY IT ALL

Last week was my first week back at school. It was the first time in three months that I was seeing fellow students, many of whom have not heard of my broken engagement. 

If I collected a dollar for every Mazal Tov I received, I could probably drop out of college and move to Hawaii. Perhaps that is an exaggeration. 

All joking aside, I was not offended when people said Mazal Tov. They truly wished me well and simply were uninformed. I actually almost felt sorry for them when I saw their reaction to the news: "I'm not engaged" Some people wanted to fall through the floor while others just stared in shock. One girl wished me a Mazal Tov. I told her that I am single. She ran away as if on coals. She came back to me and said: "Seriously, everyone, and I mean everybody breaks their engagement." I laughed so hard. Such a bitter laugh. Sure, that is why I broke my engagement, to be like everybody else. I smile, I tell people that I am okay. Most of them do not believe me. It is okay, as long as they leave me alone. 

The reason I am writing this is because there are quite a few people who act so inappropriately and say things that blow me away. And if I was okay before, then after comments it takes much more strength and energy to retain normalcy. 

People think they are entitled to know everything bout everyone and have no problem asking anyone. 

The following things happened to me. I wish they never happened and then they would be fiction, but they are not. 

A young man comes over to me and says: "So when can we sit down and talk. I want to hear everything. Why and how your engagement ended." 

I was shocked. Totally shocked. I barely knew they guy. Who does he think he is? 

Someone told me that when I am ready, he wants to know everything. 

I smiled. "How about never?" I thought to myself as I walked away. 

A girl told me she wants to have dinner with me. That's cool. I have dinner with people all the time. 

As we sit down with our trays of food, she says: "Tonight I will be your shrink. Tell me everything" 

I was so tired, my head was stuffed, I did not get enough sleep. And as I looked at her with my exhausted eyes all I could think of was: REALLY? I mean, Seriously?! I Can't!!!

I also was told that a group of acquaintances was sitting around the Shabbat table and I was the topic of discussion. They were saying that they are afraid I would suffer from a nervous breakdown. Thank you for the honor of making me your topic of discussion, but please leave me alone. Thank you very much. I mean, some of those girls did not see me in a number of months, we hadn't spoken, anything! It was just frustrating that instead of feeling cared for, I felt intruded on. 

Or I love this, someone called me up and let me know how difficult it was for her to muster the courage to call me. 

Image: blogs.citypages.com

Now what am I supposed to do? Praise her for her courage? I do not think so!

Would love to hear your thoughts.

If Coulda Shoulda Woulda

Tonight was my wedding. It was not. But it could have been.

I walked in the streets of Manhattan thinking of the potential the day held.  I could have been the girl in the white dress embarking on the journey of a loyal house in the nation of Israel. 

Instead, I was walking aimlessly in the city watching people walk by.

The sun was still shining, people were still walking.

The world did not know what could have been.

The world only knew what was.

Bad things to say after a broken engagement

After I got disengaged, people had reactions. Some of them were pleasant and showed care, however some comments made me stare open mouthed into space and wonder where those people forgot their brains for the day.

Some of them I typed up below (people actually said these things):

1) –Mazal Tov!
- I am not engaged anymore
- I am not surprised
2) –Mazal Tov!
-I am not engaged anymore
-I knew something was off the whole time
(Thank you for not saying anything)

3) –Hey, I called to wish you a mazal tov. Personally, I think you are too young to get engaged, you obviously don’ t think so
--Actually, I am not engaged anymore
--See, I know what I am talking about (You are truly a genius)


4) –I am not engaged anymore
-G-d must be punishing you for dating for a long time, next time you’ll do it quick and right


5) -Mazal Tov
- I am not engaged anymore
- Great, so I can date your ex now? (Whatever you want, darling)


6) --It’s over, I am not engaged anymore
--It’s ok, You’ll be smarter next time


6) –You know how I found out you are left wing?
-How?
-Because you believe in disengagement….

If you have more to add, please share


Below are some of the kinder reactions

1) Better now than later (a divorce with babies, ouch)
2) We’ll find you someone better
3) You had a boyfriend, now go find a husband
4) If you need me, I am here to talk
5) I love you and if I could I would marry you (that is a joke)

Blue Nails

The first guy who was suggested to me in a shidduch since my engagement ended in 2010 rejected me on Friday.
I won't lie, I was hurt. I hate being rejected and I hate it when people say "NO" even if the reasons are completely understandable.
After steaming off my anger at the gym, I got my nails done in blue.
For some reason that made me feel so much better.
I might as well have fun, if I'm not having a date next week.
Of course, philosophical discussions followed suit with those close to me, such as, well, one doesn't wear blue nail polish to a job interview, and the question of whether life is or is not a job interview....